26/2/2007 - Haz's Word - 008

If the weekend is the end of the week, then why isn’t a bellend the end of a bell? Think about it.

Having bought all my Delamere food the previous evening, I had nothing to buy from Tesco that morning. I went anyway because I love it there, and it loves me. It turned out that glass bottled Coca Cola was on sale, I felt a bit treacherous buying it, but my conscience is clear. Just don’t tell the Pepsi man.

I then made my way out to the countryside to pick up Philly boy. Shortly after turning on my radio, I heard that the road which I was about to use was closed. Luckily Hazcars can teleport so no problem caused.

At Delamere I met super-fast-bmx-downhiller-potential-pro Juz but he tried to fondle my leg, so I beat him to the ground.

I went to the pub for my lunch on Sunday, but they were showing rugby on the big screen so I left and went in another pub. The other pub was also showing rugby but on a smaller screen but I could deal with that. Smaller screens are a lot easier to destroy than bigger screens. The fact that you can break them by dropping them on a rugby fan’s head is the true definition of an added perk.

Don’t you hate it when people say stupid pseudo-philosophical statements just to sound clever? When I was bemoaning Manchester United’s dismal performance against Fulham on Saturday, some faggot said to me “sometimes we stare so long at the door that is closing that we fail to see the door that is opening”. I think he was implying that although we played poorly, we still won and added to our points tally, but why didn’t he just say that? I replied “the most tortuous pain often comes from within” and to show him what I meant, I clouted him in the kidneys and gave him internal bleeding. I rule.

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