23/2/2007 - Haz's Word - 007

This weekend I ate and slept and ate and slept. There’s no rest for the wicked.

I’d been looking forward to Saturday all week, because I was doing nothing so I could have a lie-in. Unfortunately unbeknownst to me, my landlord had decided to show people round my house at 10am that day. I was awoken at 10.05am by the sound of him using the spare key on my door. He didn’t count on my stringent security measures. Before sleeping each night, I seal the door with hazjizz. No-one can get in or out. Fire shmire, I’ll blow it out.

I then went into town to watch a football match with my mate. He’s not really my mate, he’s just someone I hate less than I hate most people. Some retard was also watching the match whilst playing with matches and he tried to tell me about rugby during half time. I told him it was for gays and he stormed off, but not before I’d farted all over him.

We tried to get the bus home but I wasn’t allowed on, the stupid driver wouldn’t accept my buspass. Now, maybe I did make it myself, and maybe it was out-of-date, and maybe it was for another company but that’s not the point. I walked home faster than the bus anyway because I have bionic legs.

That night I played pro evo. Some guy laughed at me when he scored, so after I beat him 5-1, I reported him for looking at kiddy porn. He’s in prison as we speak.

On Sunday I missed Top Gear again. It’s a good job I’ve already seen it all before. Because I am Jeremy Clarkson. I rule.

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